I have made the title deliberately ambiguous. I like that you can take from it what you will.

I love technology. Advances have made possible what I only dreamed of not so many (but quite a few) years ago.  Initially I refused to sign up to that thing called Facebook that old friends kept emailing me invitations to join. I do not like to follow the crowd. Eventually however, I caved, and entered a world where you could publish a thought in an instant and your nearest (although, too often, not so in distance) and dearest could offer friendship and support quickly and easily. Perhaps I look back with rose glasses, but I remember it being a safe place when my real world was attacking and destroying and collapsing in on itself. It gave me contact where that had been lost and comfort when I thought that no longer existed.

I wonder, then, how I can sit here today with such a different view. What happened to me, to the Internet, to the world, to turn it all on its head once again. Why has the anxiety that crippled me in the real world at the beginning followed me and settled into my online presence? Why, in a domain where I felt so free to express myself honestly, do I constantly censor and scrutinise myself, comparing, judging, and belittling where my old enemies once did? And why do I feel tied to that pain, that torture that threatens to dissolve my self esteem and self-worth? In short, why do I care?

My hope is that, in having an outlet to explore and examine these questions without fear of personal scrutiny or repercussion, I can begin to take control. To analyse, understand, empathise and accept – luxuries I give my friends without question, but that I have never afforded myself.